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Good morning!
In today's 4 minute read, we'll be talking about a super-simple way to get your emotions in check when someone pisses you off or hurts your feelings, so you can productively move forward in business and in life.
I would like to state that I am not a licensed professional who specializes in mental or emotional health.
I'm simply a small business owner with ups and downs just like everyone else.
Today, I’ll share with you how I get myself back on track after spiraling into the abyss of Imposter Syndrome, especially if a friend or family member has hit a nerve with one of my insecurities.
Anytime you're feeling overwhelmed by emotions--yours or someone else's--take out a sheet of paper and write down your (truthful) answers to the following questions, or get the printable here for only $1, print it out, then fill in your answers.
Complete this exercise as often as you need.
The goal is to:
Be completely honest and don't hold back. Let it all out.
I find this exercise helpful because once I write it all down, the heaviness (of everything and everyone bothering me) lifts, and I have a better idea of how to proceed without derailing my productivity, or worse, ripping someone a new one, then needing to patch things up later because I went off the deep end.
Are you ready for some self care?
Here we go!
(Below is an example of answers from one of my clients...with her permission, of course)
#1: When did the situation happen? This morning.
#2 Describe what happened. This person passive-aggressively asked me how my business was doing--in a tone--and with a grin like she's expecting me to fail.
#3 Why do you think it happened? Because that bish is a gossip queen and not actually a friend, and she wants to feel better than everyone else. I'd bet money once I do make this work she'll be expecting me to tell her how to do it. Hell no.
#4 How did the situation make you feel emotionally? (list out ALL the emotions you experienced, and what insecurities it tapped into) Angry because I feel like she's trying to use me as an emotional punching bag. Impatient because this is taking a lot longer than I had anticipated. Anxious about getting this up and running faster, so I can shut that bish up (and my husband) with some proof. Worried she might be right.
#5 How did the situation make you feel physically? My head started to hurt, my shoulders were tense, and my breathing got really short. And then I lost focus, which made my stomach burn with anger because I could no longer focus on my course content! So I had to read a book to calm myself down.
#6 What did you want to do or say as a result of how you felt? I wanted to punch her in the face, and tell her she's a di** su***** cu* wh*** whose snarky attitude I can live without!
#7 What did you actually do or say? I smiled and said, 'Everything's falling into place. Just takes time and patience.'
#8 What were the short-term consequences of your actions? I spent more than half my day feeling angry and overwhelmed instead of in my business being productive.
#9 What were/are the long-term consequences of your actions? If I keep letting others' opinions of me get under my skin, I'm never going to get my business to where I want it, and then I'll be proving all my "haters" right...which makes me mad just thinking about it. It's a vicious cycle I need to get myself out of, I know.
#10 Will you do anything differently if this situation comes up again? If so, what will you do? #1 I'm praying she doesn't do this again during shark week because I have no filter during that time of the month. #2 Moving forward, every time I feel like someone is F'ing with me, I'm going to remind myself that they are broke AF, so I shouldn't care what they think, and #3 Working for myself is my dream. Not theirs. I'm working to better my situation. They are not. They don't think they can build a business of their own, so they're projecting their negativity onto me in an effort to reinforce that belief.
As you can see, I really do mean be honest. There are no wrong answers. You'll probably even laugh later when re-reading your responses. The goal of this exercise is to put things into a different perspecitve than before.
Remember...managing your emotions (and reactions) is a journey. Not magic.
I hope this exercise helps you in even the smallest of ways.
I made a printable version for you, so you can print out a bunch and make your own notebook. It's only $1.
Or you can write all the questions down in one of those cute journals you're hoarding. (I'm not judging. I have a bookshelf full of them, too!)
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